


I'll Follow You

by Attenia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 13:03:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18121286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attenia/pseuds/Attenia
Summary: Clarke tries to walk away after Mount Weather, but Bellamy won't let her go. Rated explicit for later chapters. Bellarke - happy ending :)





	1. Chapter 1

I stumble every now and then, catching myself on the rough bark of trees as I pass. My mind seems to be in a haze – I welcome it, try to use the numbness to block out the look on Bellamy’s face when I left. I can’t let myself think about how much it hurt to leave him – only about how much it would hurt him to stay. I’m toxic – everyone close to me dies.   
I turn my mind to practical things – gathering food, finding water, finding a place to stay for the night. I imagine I can hear Bellamy’s voice calling after me, but that’s wishful thinking. Sure, it’s easier for him with a co-leader around, but he’ll manage fine without me. And so what if we’ve become sort of friends? All the more reason to stay away from him.  
It starts to rain, and though I look for a cave, the best I can do is a small gully with a tree overhanging that will keep out at least some of the water. I settle down, not hungry, shivering as night sets in. I close my eyes and allow myself to pretend I can hear Bellamy’s voice; the sound comforts me and I drift off to sleep.  
I am vaguely aware of shivering my way through an uneasy sleep, jerking awake every now and then from nightmares, though at some point the cold seems to let up and I fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.  
I wake up warm. Too warm.  
Before my eyes are fully open I am grabbing my knife and twisting around towards the heat at my back.  
Bellamy yelps and jumps back. “Well, good morning to you too, Princess.”  
For a second I am too shocked to move, then I am scrambling backwards, as though mere proximity to me will bring death raining down on him. Maybe it will.  
“What are you doing here?” I spit.  
“You didn’t think I’d let you go, did you?  
“You did!”  
“For about an hour or two, until I thought better of it.”  
“I’m not going back,” I say, my voice quavering a little. “I can’t.”  
“No, I didn’t think you would,” Bellamy says.  
“Then what are you doing here if you’re not trying to get me to come back?”  
“I told you, Clarke, I’m not leaving you. If that means sleeping in the rain every night and chasing behind you every day, that’s what I’ll do.”  
I gape at him, bewildered. “But… but what about everyone else? You can’t just leave them!”  
“They’ll be fine,” Bellamy says. His eyes are lit with concern. “You, I’m not so sure about.”  
I take a deep breath and resolve to say the words that I know I must, even though they feel like bile in my throat. “I’m fine, Bellamy. You have to leave.”  
“I can’t,” he says.  
“Yes you can!” I snap. “Just leave me alone, Bellamy. I don’t want to here.”  
I see a flash of hurt cross his face, and turn away so that he won’t see the lie on mine.   
“I’m leaving,” I say shortly.  
“Then I’ll follow you.”  
“Don’t you dare,” I snarl, giving him my best glare.  
Bellamy doesn’t say anything. I grab my pack and start walking resolutely east. For one heart-stopping second, I think Bellamy has listened to me – but then I hear his steady footsteps just behind me me, and the relief I feel is ridiculous.   
I try to put the needs of everyone else ahead of mine, I really do, but I can’t bring myself to force Bellamy away. The thought of walking this journey of grief and guilt alone is terrifying, and now that I may not have to do it alone, I can’t stand the thought of going with my original plan.   
Bellamy is silent for a while, but once it becomes apparent that I’m not going to throw any further fits at his presence, he ups his pace so that he is walking beside me. After a while, he opens his mouth to say something. I flinch, expecting him to try to persuade me to go back, but he surprises me.  
“So how long are we going to be travelling for?” he asks.  
This brings me up short. “I don’t know.”  
“Well, we’ve got a few months until winter, but we’ll need to build up supplies – unless you plan to team up with one of the Grounder tribes?”  
I shake my head vigorously. I don’t need more people to get killed for knowing me.   
“Then we should find a good shelter – or make one – and start hunting meat, drying it, getting some good furs, I guess…”  
He goes on in his practical, responsible tone, but his words blur out as my eyes blur with tears. He really does intend to stay with me.   
I let myself get drawn into the conversation – really, I should have thought of things like that myself, I’m not usually so impractical.   
When it’s time to make camp for the night, Bellamy manages to spot a smallish cave. He hangs a big piece of hide over the opening, which makes for a snug shelter for the night.   
Now that talk of plans has pretty much been exhausted, I don’t really know what to say, but Bellamy surprises me again. We end up chatting for hours about our lives before we met, and some of our better experiences since we’ve been on the ground. It seems that when we’re not fighting for our lives, we have a lot to talk about. He expertly dances around the things that I’m afraid to talk about, as though he can read my mind.   
I find myself laughing for the first time in… well, I can’t remember the last time I laughed.   
I hadn’t thought much about sleeping arrangements until Bellamy slides under the blankets with me. “What are you doing?”  
“Are you kidding, Clarke? It’s freezing! I don’t know about you, but I’d quite like to have all my toes tomorrow.”  
I can’t really argue with that – until I wake up the first time, and realise that I can’t hide my nightmares from Bellamy with him so close.   
“What is it?” his sleepy voice asks over my shoulder as I shudder violently awake.  
“Nothing, I’m fine.”  
“You know, I can always tell when you’re lying.”  
“That explains a lot,” I mutter.   
I resolutely ignore him, but after I jerk awake for the second time, he becomes more insistent.  
“Talk to me,” he urges. “Please?” I can almost see his wide, sincere eyes, and even in the dark, I can’t resist them.  
“It’s just a nightmare,” I say, embarrassed.   
“I have them too, you know. You’re not the only one with regrets, Clarke.”  
Somehow, this makes me feel better. His hand finds mine under the blanket, and I grip it tightly. This way, we both fall asleep. The night is interrupted a few more times by my nightmares – and once by his – but in the morning, we are both relatively rested.   
I wake up feeling better than I could have imagined a day ago. Suddenly my lonely trek seems more like an adventure than a penance. Though I have no right to feel happy after everything, I do. Despite myself, I smile.

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

“Bellamy? Earth to Bellamy?”  
I’m considering poking him when Bellamy jerks and seems to come back to himself. “Sorry, I was just thinking,” he says.   
“Are you alright?” I ask.  
He nods, though his face doesn’t look like it’s saying yes. “What is it?”  
“I’m just thinking about Octavia…”  
He says it reluctantly, and I instantly feel a wave of guilt. Who am I to keep him away from his sister?   
“You can still go back,” I say softly, my insides clenching.  
Bellamy shakes his head.   
“But you miss her,” I protest, hoping that he ignores me.  
“I’ll miss you more,” he says simply. “Come on, this tent won’t pack itself up.”  
Over the last two weeks, we’ve managed to make enough kills to cobble together a rough hide tent, which certainly makes things a lot easier. Both of us are slightly on edge, knowing that we need to find a place to winter as soon as we can. I find myself looking at Bellamy’s ass as he bends down to take out the tent pins, and flush.   
Of course, I am well aware of how much I’ve come to rely on Bellamy, but being alone with him, without a thousand responsibilities has made me start noticing him more. How he always thinks of me and my feelings before he speaks, how he glances around every few minutes just to check I’m ok. His every movement shows how much he cares about me… and I realise that he’s not the only one. Somehow, Bellamy has become way more important to me than I had ever intended.  
It’s worse than that, though. As much as I try to deny it, I’m spending way too much time staring at him, at the way his body moves, the way his hair lies on his forehead when he’s sweaty from a long hike… Every time I feel myself starting to get wet just looking at him, I force myself to think of the most gruesome Grounder attacks I can, which helps… for a while.   
I’m not attracted to Bellamy. And he’s not the most important person in my life. We’re just travelling together because… I get stuck there. I repeat, not attracted to him, not the most important person in my life. The last thing I need is to get even closer to Bellamy – he’ll be dead for sure. I need to get a grip on myself before I end up hurting him too.  
I feel a wave of tenderness as he shoulders the lion’s share of the load, giving me a tiny pack. Not that I’m going to let him get away with that.  
“I’m perfectly capable of carrying my share,” I say, giving him a stern look.  
Bellamy laughs. “Relax, Princess, I’ll be fine.”  
“Seriously, Bellamy, give me the pack. You’re no good at packing equal loads.”  
Bellamy smiles and dances away from me as I reach for him. “We need to get going,” he says, turning and heading east, as usual.  
“Bellamy!”  
We bicker for about an hour before we both become tired of it; I resolve to steal his pack somehow tomorrow.   
Bellamy manages to bag us a pheasant for supper – my heart isn’t beating faster at the sight of him smudged with blood from his kill – and we’ve almost decided to stop for the night when I hear a sound that’s all too familiar. I spin around, just in time to see the arrow coming straight for my face.  
I don’t even have time to scream. Then something blurs in front of me and I hear a dull thunk. Everything comes into sharp focus. “Bellamy!” I scream.   
“I’m ok,” he says, staggering up, yanking the arrow from his shoulder. “Come on.”  
We do what we have become so good at: we run.   
I don’t know which tribe’s territory we’ve trespassed on, but we keep going for half the night before deciding we’re out of their range. If I wasn’t so afraid, I would have been impressed that we managed to lose them – we really have become good at running.  
Finally, I push Bellamy against a tree and tell him to wait. I set up the tent in record time and shove him in. I have his shirt off before he has even sat down, my eyes frantic, terrified of what I’ll see.  
The bloody rag that Bellamy has been holding against his shoulder is soaked through. I gently pull his hand away to see the wound. Some small part of me sighs in relief – this isn’t too bad, I can treat this – but the look of pain on Bellamy’s face twists my insides.   
There seems to be a vague buzzing in my ears as I go through the motions of making a fire, cleaning and stitching up his shoulder, then bandaging it up. As soon as that’s done, I scuttle to the other side of the tent, as far away from him as I can get, and try to control my breathing.  
“Clarke? What’s wrong?”  
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” I ask, my voice getting shriller by the word. “I knew this would happen! I shouldn’t have let you come with me, Bellamy, you’re hurt because of me, you’re going to keep getting hurt because of me, you need to leave, first thing tomorrow, I can’t let you die, I won’t –”  
I stop speaking abruptly due to the fact that Bellamy’s lips are covering mine. Before I can think better of it, my body is responding, my hand twisting in his hair, a low moan coming out of my mouth as our tongues lock.   
I break away. “Bellamy –”  
“I’m fine, Princess,” he says. “I’m ok, and we’ll be ok.” His hands trail down my back, sending sparks of fire through my whole body.   
He pulls away, keeping just my hand, leading me to our makeshift bed. I hesitate. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. There’s a reason, a very important reason… I just can’t hear it over the beating of my heart right now.  
With a moan of surrender, I basically pounce on him, my mouth frantic on his, my hands roaming over his chest, my body pressing down on his… He moans my name, his voice gravelly with need.  
Whatever rational part of my mind still exists, it completely disengages. Bellamy’s breathing is ragged as I pull down his pants then yank at my own, desperate to get rid of the thin cloth barrier between us.   
My panties are already soaked through when I throw them away. My breathing is hot and fast as I lock mouths with Bellamy again. He arches up against me, and I can feel his hard cock pressing against my stomach. I can’t wait; my body is screaming, and his eyes show the same desperation I feel.  
I sink onto him, groaning at the sensation. Bellamy grunts as he automatically thrusts upwards. “Bellamy,” I gasp breathlessly, my hands twisting in his hair.  
I grind down onto him, feeling the fullness of him inside me. My head falls back as I moan and pound harder. Bellamy’s hand comes down between us to touch my clit. I scream and press further into him, desperate for the slick, wet sensation of pure pleasure. “Don’t stop,” I beg as he works my clit between his fingers. “Oh, please, Bellamy –”  
All words fail me as my orgasm sweeps over me. My legs clench and my hands in his hair tighten as I pull his head up for a kiss. His whole body jerks as his own climax overcomes him. The waves of pleasure own me, my body moves of its own accord on top of his, pushing, pulsing, feeling his writhing form underneath me. Finally, it fades and my movements slow. I collapse to the side, breathing hard.  
Bellamy pulls me around for another kiss. This one is languid, lazy, carried away on the haze of pleasure. “Clarke,” he says, but I put a finger to his lips. I feel so peaceful, so right at this moment, I don’t’ want to ruin it with words.   
“Go to sleep, Bellamy,” I say, stroking his wet hair off his face. He nestles his face into my breasts and breathes deeply. He is asleep in minutes, and I don’t take long to follow suit.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up blessedly warm, despite the chill, with Bellamy’s body solidly behind me.   
Wait. No, Bellamy shouldn’t be that warm. I turn over and put my hand on his forehead. He’s burning with fever. I gently take turn him over to check his wound. I was sure I had wrapped and treated it properly; there shouldn’t be an infection.  
I shine a torch on it and gasp at what I see. That isn’t infection; that’s poison.  
Why hadn’t I thought of it? The grounders use poison arrows – I should have checked! My mind spins as I try to think what to do, but panic clouds my thoughts. All I can think of is Bellamy in danger, Bellamy in pain.   
Bellamy groans and turns over in his sleep while I frantically try to think. I’ll have to find the grounders that shot him… and somehow get them to give me the cure. I can’t think past that, but at least I have an immediate plan of action. I jump up and start pushing things into my pack. I briefly consider leaving Bellamy and coming back once I have the cure, but decide it’s too risky – what if he chokes on his own vomit or something while I’m gone?  
I shake him roughly. “Bellamy, we need to go.”  
“Mph… it’s still dark, Clarke,” he mumbles.  
“The arrow they shot you with was poisoned,” I say.  
That wakes him up. His eyes are still bleary from the fever, but he staggers upright. I shoulder his pack as well as mine, grab his hand, and start walking. I inwardly curse myself for how far we managed to get from the grounders. I have no idea where their camp is, so sneaking in and stealing the cure is out. My only hope is that if we wander around in the same direction they’ll find us – and that they’ll be curious enough about why we came back not to shoot us straight off.  
Bellamy stumbles and I grab his arm. “I’m tired, Clarke,” he says, his voice strained. “I just want to rest for a few minutes…”  
“No, we have to keep going,” I say, helping him as he stumbles again. I don’t know how long we blunder around for. It gets harder and harder to keep Bellamy going. He falls down a couple of times, and each time it takes longer for him to get moving again.   
Finally, I hear the sound I would have never expected I was hoping to hear: a grounder hunting horn. By now I’m supporting most of Bellamy’s weight, basically dragging him along. I let my knees collapse; they’ll find us soon enough.   
I may drift out of consciousness for a bit, worn down by fear and exhaustion, because the next thing I know, I am being jerked roughly to my feet. I see that Bellamy is likewise being pulled up beside me.  
I focus my eyes on the grounder in front of me. “Save him,” I say. “Please, I’ll do anything.”  
Then I feel a sharp blow to my head, and everything goes black.

xxx

I wake up suddenly in the dark. Sitting bolt upright, my hand finds warm flesh next to me; too warm. Bellamy. I check and find he is breathing, but it’s laboured. “Hello!” I shout. I stumble around until I find what feels like a door and start banging on it. “Hello, I need help!” I yell. “He’s sick, please, you have to help him!”  
The door opens so suddenly that I almost fall into the grounder. He pushes me back roughly. “Quiet,” he says.   
“NO, you have to help him!” I shout, my voice getting more frantic by the second. “Please, I’ll do anything – anything…”  
The grounder looks at me speculatively before withdrawing, locking the door behind him. I crumple to the floor and crawl over to Bellamy, pulling his head onto my lap. Surely it can’t end like this…  
My head snaps up as I see another grounder walk in, one with an air of authority about her.  
“Please,” I gasp, my hand on Bellamy’s burning forehead. “Save him, I’ll do whatever you want me to…”  
“You care enough about this man to commit to doing anything we ask for him?” she asks.  
“Yes, yes, please…”  
She smiles, a cruel, amused smile. “Fine. We’ll give him the antidote to the poison and let him go… You, however, will stay with us. As our servant. You’ll carry our weapons, cook our food, and do anything else we may desire of you.”  
“How long?” I whisper.  
“As long as you live.”  
It feels like my world is crashing down on me. I don’t know what to say. I’ll never see Bellamy again… but I’ll know he’s alive, and he’ll be with Octavia and the others… The grounder gives me an amused look and starts to turn towards the door. If I let her leave, I may never get another chance to save Bellamy.   
“Ok, yes, I agree, now help him!”  
They are quick, I’ll give them that. A healer is summoned at once and the antidote is dripped carefully into Bellamy’s mouth. I watch as his breathing gets slightly easier and breathe a sigh of relief. Before I can say anything, the grounders are picking him up and carrying him out.   
“Wait – where are you taking him?” I try to hold onto him, but my hands are pried off.   
“He’ll stay with the healers until he is well enough to travel,” the leader says. “You begin your service now.”  
“But I need to say goodbye,” I whisper. “When he wakes up, I need to be there, to explain.”  
“Your deal was that he lives. Now unless you intend to go back on your word and force us to kill you both, you will come with us now.”  
Their hands are already pulling at me and I know resistance is pointless. I lean back to press a kiss on Bellamy’s lips before allowing myself to be pulled away, leaving my heart behind.

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

“Get water.”  
I dip my head and scramble to get water. The grounders are fair, but they don’t take well to laziness – a few slaps with the flat side of a dagger when I’ve dawdled have taught me that. I wipe sweat out of my face as I hurry to the river with the water skin.  
My mind flashes back to that night with Bellamy, when we were both covered in sweat for a very different reason. It feels like a lifetime away – not because I don’t remember it in every vivid detail, but because could only ever happen that once… now that I’ll never see Bellamy again.  
It feels like the pain of missing him is crushing me. To make it worse, I keep imagining I see him out of the corner of me eye, but when I turn there’s nothing but the trees.  
I return with the water skins and Dorak takes them without a word, then gestures me to the fire. I kneel down to add some wood and check the stew I have cooking. It’s not even that I resent the work – I’m learning from them, which is good – but my heart is too sore to be grateful for anything right now.   
I’ve considered running away, but what kind of life would that be? Always looking over my shoulder? The grounders would not take kindly to betrayal; when they caught me, they would not be as kind as they were the last time when they agreed to my deal to heal Bellamy.  
Besides, it’s wrong. I made the deal knowing what I was getting into. I may live a long, lonely life, but at least I’ll know Bellamy is alive because of me. And if he’s going to stay alive, it’s better that I stay here, far away from him. I’ve already almost gotten him killed once, and once is enough as far as I’m concerned.  
When I’ve finally finished all of my tasks, I fall into my bedroll, my eyes already closed.   
“Clarke.”  
I jerk around, because surely that whispered voice can’t belong to who I think it belongs to. I gasp as I see Bellamy’s face sticking through a slit in my tent fabric.  
“Bellamy, what are you doing here?” I hiss, though even in a whisper, my voice sounds giddy as my heart seems to fill up with bubbling happiness.   
“Move over,” he whispers, then widens the slash in the tent with his dagger and crawls in with me.   
“What are you doing here?” I repeat, exercising all of my self-control not to jump into his arms.  
“You didn’t think I’d just let them take you, did you?”  
The tenderness that his words stir is overruled by the fear. “Do you think they’ll just let me go? I made a deal, Bellamy! If they find you here they’ll probably decide to shoot you again, and this time there won’t be any antidote.”  
“Relax, Princess,” he says. “I’ve got it under control. I’m going to negotiate you out.”  
“What could you possibly have to trade with them?”  
“You’ve got friends in high places,” he says mysteriously. “Anyway, I should go before they find me, but I just wanted to let you know it’ll be another week or so before we sort everything out.”  
“What do you mean by – ?”  
Before I can finish my question, he is kissing me gently on the lips, so quick I’m not even positive it happened, and then he is gone, the only evidence left behind being the gash in my tent.  
I sew it up as quickly as possible before anyone notices, then lie down, but I don’t delude myself that I’ll achieve sleep any time soon. Surely, Bellamy must be fooling himself? How could he possibly ‘negotiate’ me out? There’s no way he can pull it off, it’s not possible…  
Still, I can’t stop my fears from going there: what if he does? What if I’m unleashed to bring destruction down on those I love yet again? I’ve repeatedly rebuffed friendly advances from some of the younger grounders for a good reason: I’m sick of people dying because of me.  
What if Bellamy really does manage to get me out? I know there’s no way he’ll let me go off on my own again… I spend the rest of the night making contingency plans, and praying I won’t need them.

xxx

Over the next week, I make an effort to be an exemplary servant, anything to persuade the grounders that they want to keep me, no matter what Bellamy manages to come up with. I think I’m doing well… which is why a wave of despair sweeps over me when I see Bellamy walking into camp… with Lexa.  
“Damn!” I mutter. I don’t doubt Lexa’s ability to make a deal with these people to set me free, and sure enough, the grounders are nudging me into an empty tent to await the verdict. Bellamy is obviously in there with Lexa, and as I try to go over my plans in my head for when he comes, I can feel the bile rising in my throat.   
Finally, they come, as I knew they would. “You’re free to go,” Dorak says simply.   
“I would like to stay, if you’ll have me,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. “I think we can learn a lot from each other.”  
Dorak gives me a quizzical look, but dismisses my strange request out of hand. “We’ve made a deal with commander Lexa and we’re not stupid enough to break it; you will collect your things and be out of here by sundown.”  
No, no, no, I chant in my head, now scrambling to get everything in my pack before Bellamy can find me.   
I know he’s behind me before I hear him; I can sense him; my body knows when he’s close, and responds.   
“Told you, Princess,” he says smugly.  
“Where’s Lexa?” I ask, not turning around.  
“She’s staying for the night. She doesn’t expect you to want to see her. We can leave right away.”  
I nod, biting my lip, not wanting to do what I have to do until we’re alone.  
I shoulder my pack and leave, barely looking at Bellamy. I catch a flash of hurt crossing his face, but he follows me in silence. Finally, when we’re about a mile away from the grounder camp, I turn to face him. “Bellamy, you can’t keep travelling with me,” I say, unable to meet his eyes.  
“We’ve been through this, Princess,” he says. “Wherever you go, I’ll follow.”  
I can see it in his eyes; he means it. He doesn’t care if I get him hurt or killed, he’ll follow me anyway. I take a deep breath and brace myself for what I have to do.  
“Bellamy, I don’t want you with me,” I say. “I want to be alone.”  
“Not going to happen –”  
“Damn it, I mean it, Bellamy! I’m sick of you always looking over my shoulder like a puppy that’s been kicked! It’s pathetic. I put up with you when we were co-leaders, but I’m on my own now and I want you out of my life! Can you not leave me in peace for once? If I hear your voice yapping at me once more I swear I’m going to lose it! I don’t want you, Bellamy!”  
I turn around at the last sentence so that he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes. I hear his sharp intake of breath behind me and the tears come thick and fast. I’m doing what I have to do to save him. No matter what it means for me, Bellamy has to live. I can’t bear life without that knowledge.  
I close my eyes and wait for him to finally leave me.

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

I wait, wondering if Bellamy will say anything, or if he’ll just walk away. When he does speak, I can hear pain in his voice, but I can also hear something else I can’t identify.   
“I know when you’re lying, Clarke,” he says. I hear his footsteps coming up behind me. “Now what’s really going on?” he asks.   
I freeze in panic. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to leave and be safe. I consider making a run for it – maybe I can lose him.   
“I’ll follow you,” he warns, once again seeming to read my mind.  
“Bellamy –”  
He spins me around and I am forced to look at him.   
“What is it?” he demands, his gaze boring into me.   
“You can’t come with me,” I whisper.   
“Why, Clarke, why?”  
“Because I can’t lose you too.”  
His brow crinkles adorably as he frowns in confusion. “Then why are you trying to send me away? That doesn’t make any sense.”  
“Because I need you to live!” I shout, tears breaking free from my eyes once again. “You were nearly killed because of me – it’s a wonder you weren’t! Everyone around me dies, and that’s bad enough, but I can’t live knowing you died because of me as well, I can’t do it, Bellamy. Go!” I shout, shoving him in the chest. “Leave and live, I can’t have you on my conscience as well…”  
Bellamy’s arms come around me and I fight, trying to push him off, but all the fight in me is gone and I finally melt into his embrace, sobbing for everything I have lost, and everything I still will.   
“Even if I did believe that about you,” he says, “I still wouldn’t leave – no, listen to me Clarke! I understand. If you died, I could never live with myself either. I get it. But I don’t you get my side. I can’t live without you. I’m not strong like you – I couldn’t live just with the knowledge that you’re alive. I need you with me; that’s not going to change.   
“I get you’re afraid, though you have no reason to be – most of us would be dead if not for you – but you need to understand that I can’t let you go.”  
I hiccough with my head against his chest and feel Bellamy’s arms encircling me and rubbing my back. “We’re just going to have to compromise,” he continues, a hint of a smile in his voice. “You’ll agree not to try to leave me behind, and I’ll agree not to die. Agreed?”  
Against all odds, I laugh. I should be panicking, but somehow Bellamy has calmed me, and even though part of my mind is still screaming at me to run, another, expanding part is smiling. “Ok,” I agree, knowing that it’s a promise he may not be able to keep, but somehow still alright with the fact that Bellamy can’t live without me any more than I can live without him.  
“Ok?” he says, pulling back to look into my eyes. Before he can say anything else, I kiss him. He groans and pulls me closer, his hands sneaking under my top. I cling onto him, not sure I’d still be standing if it weren’t for his arms around me.   
He is the first to break away. “Clarke… perhaps we should think about finding shelter first.”  
At his words, I shiver, suddenly remembering the cold. “Maybe,” I agree grudgingly.   
He takes my hand, and together we head off into the wilderness.

xxx

I laugh as Bellamy’s arms come from behind me, running up and down my sides. “Bellamy,” I scold, “this fur isn’t going to make a blanket out of itself.”  
“Mhmm,” he murmurs, starting to kiss my neck.   
I try to resist him, which works for all of five seconds. Dropping the fur I twist around and pounce on him, pushing him to the floor. His cheeks are flushed and his breathing fast. I can already feel myself soaking through my panties as I grind down hard against him. I can feel his cock pressing against my stomach, already fully hard.   
I lean in for a proper kiss and twine my hands in his hair as our tongues dance together, our breath mingling into hot gasps and pants of need.  
He fumbles with my pants, helping my slide out of them, and I gasp as his hands meet my bare skin. His fingers trail down my stomach, brushing through my pubic hair, then finally settling on my clit.  
I groan and press myself against his feather light touch. He chuckles and draws away, torturing me with soft tickles, so good, but so far from what I need.   
“Bellamy!” I groan. His fingers trail down further, mingling with my wetness and without any warning, one of them is slipping inside me. My breathing is hot and fast as I grind against him. “Ohhh… keep doing that,” I breathe as his finger slides slowly in and out.   
I grab his other hand and bring it down to my clit, my desperation rising. His fingers latch on and start working me in slow circles. I cry out, writhing beneath him. “Bellamy – please –”  
I lean up for a kiss and see him smirking, thoroughly pleased with himself for turning me into a begging mess so quickly. I’m too turned on to care. My shaking hands yank at his pants, my body crying out for more of him. Fortunately, he doesn’t seem to be able to resist me any more than I can resist him.   
I stroke his cock as his pants come off and his breathing hitches. I hook my legs around him and pull him into me, my body almost crying with relief as I feel him fill me. His hand works faster on my clit and I am vaguely aware of sounds of pleasure coming out of my mouth as I use my legs to pull him further inside.   
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful, Clarke,” he gasps, thrusting harder into me, and I moan in response.   
“Bellamy, Bellamy,” I breathe, my hands hot on his back, feeling him move in and out, faster and deeper with each thrust.   
I feel my thighs tightening and I cry out, my nails digging into his back as my orgasm overcomes me, blanking out everything but the pleasure. I hear him grunt as he thrusts and spills his seed in me, his whole body shuddering through it.   
His head falls to rest on my chest, panting. Finally, he pulls out and I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss.   
“You know, this is why we built a bed,” I say conversationally once we’ve both gotten our breath back.  
“You’re the one who jumped me on the floor,” he says smirking.   
“As if!” I pretend to swat at his head, but I am still too loopy from the aftereffects of my orgasm to do much damage.   
Ever since we completed our small house a few weeks ago, Bellamy and I have scarcely been able to keep out hands off each other. Of course, we’ve been making an effort to collect supplies and otherwise prepare things for winter, but isolated in our own little world, with sturdy walls and a warm fire, it’s hard to think about anything except Bellamy’s presence ever close to me.  
“I should keep going with that blanket,” I say reluctantly, making no move to leave Bellamy’s arms. He growls and tightens his grip on me and I laugh, snuggling further into him. Something has happened over the last weeks, something I never expected. I’ve found myself laughing, smiling; the nightmares have gotten less, as has the guilt.   
Somehow, having Bellamy at my side, caring unconditionally for me, wiping away my every tear, whispering words of comfort and forgiveness… I have begun to forgive myself. I’m nowhere close to there yet, but with Bellamy at my side I feel hopeful, as though maybe there will be more to the rest of my life than guilt and pain.  
Bellamy sighs and sits up. “I’ll finish the blanket, you rest,” he says, kissing my forehead and getting up.  
“I love you, Bellamy,” I sigh.  
I freeze. The words were out of my mouth before I could think to stop them.  
“Love you too, Princess,” he replies without missing a beat. It takes a full two seconds for me to start breathing again. Bellamy is sewing the skins together, his expression free from any tension or stress.   
I stare at him, a giddy smile overcoming me. I test the words out in my head. I love you, Bellamy.  
A few tears leak out of my eyes and I give a shaky laugh. Love you too, Princess. The words sound right.   
I look around at our small cabin, at Bellamy’s look of concentration as he works on a blanket to keep me warm. For the first time in a long time, I feel at home.

To be continued


	6. Chapter 6

Spring takes us by surprise – cuddled together in our warm little home, Bellamy and I hardly notice time passing. It’s like our happiness is a bubble that exists outside of time, a place of healing and calm in a world of madness.   
But I know we won’t stay here forever – that neither of us can ever be truly at peace unless we know our people are. I know Bellamy misses Octavia, though he never mentions it. I’m the one to bring it up.   
“Bellamy?”  
“Princess?”  
I take a deep breath. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. “I think I’m ready to go back.”  
I don’t get the reaction I expected. I’d been expecting him to jump for joy and start packing the bags. Instead he smiles, and though I can see his happiness, there’s a tint of sadness to it as well.  
“What is it?”  
“I’ll be glad to go back,” he says, “but leaving this behind won’t be easy.” He gestures around our tiny living room; over the winter we’ve added touches to make it more personal, more of a home.   
I nod. I know what he means. It’ll be like leaving bliss behind to go back to reality. “We can create a new bliss,” I say, mostly to myself.   
“Wherever we go, so long as we’re together, we’ll be ok,” Bellamy says, and his voice is saturated with such warmth and love that I can’t help but go to him and snuggle into his chest, feeling his heart steady heartbeat.   
“Let’s stay here for a few more weeks,” I say. Bellamy kisses my ear in response.   
It’s with mixed feelings that we make preparations to leave – I’m excited to see everyone again, but it’ll be a big adjustment, not just being with Bellamy all the time. Over the months we’ve both healed a lot – the nightmares have gotten less, and we’ve learned to live with what we’ve done – and we’ve relied on each other. I’m not even sure I know how to act around anyone except Bellamy anymore.   
I think about walking back through those gates and shiver. What will everyone say? Will they have forgiven me for what I did? I know Jasper certainly won’t have. I close my eyes as I imagine my mum’s face.   
Our last days aren’t the relaxed ones that the last few months have been. Nerves mount inside me and I find myself making excuses for why I’m actually not ready to go back. Finally, Bellamy and I set out. I know he’s eager to see Octavia, but I’m having second thoughts.   
On our second night of travel, I wake up from a nightmare full of accusing stares and harsh words. Holding my hand on my mouth to hold back a sob, I grab some clothes. I can’t do this. I put my bag onto my back and slip off into the night, running as fast as I can.

I run for what seems like hours before tripping and falling to the ground into an exhausted sleep. I think it’s the wind that wakes me… but after a few seconds I realise that it’s what’s being carried on the wind – a child’s voice, crying out.   
I stumble up without really thinking about, going towards the source of the noise. It’s not far before I wander into what looks like the remains of an abandoned village – or one massacred by the Mountain Men. I can see skeletons peeking out from beneath the leaves.   
A girl is crawling on the ground, dragging her leg behind her, clearly trying to reach a rundown little hut. “Hey,” I call. She flinches and her crying shuts off at once. I walk slowly towards her and suppress a gasp as I get a sight of her leg. It was obviously broken and left untreated; now it is grossly infected and caught on a branch; it looks like she fell while trying to walk.   
“It’s ok,” I say, kneeling down by her side. “I’m going to help you.”  
She snarls at me, bearing her teeth, though I can see the terror in her eyes.   
“My name is Clarke,” I say. “What’s yours?”  
She looks bewildered, as though it has been a long time since anyone has spoken to her. Glancing around at the skeletons, I wonder if she’s been living here all alone since her village perished.   
“Alhera,” she says in a voice hoarse from disuse.  
“Alhera, I’m going to take a look at your leg,” I say, moving slowly towards her. She draws back as much as she is able, her eyes fixed on me. I carefully take hold of the branch, trying to move it as little as possible. I put one hand on her trembling leg. “This is going to hurt,” I say. She flinches before I even do anything and I brace myself.  
Her piercing scream does not last long – she passes out after a few seconds, and I set her leg as quickly as possible. I tear some strips off my top, and bandage the wound, biting my lip. The infection is bad. I don’t know if I can look after her all by myself, out here in the middle of nowhere.  
My heart sinks as I realise I’ll have to go back to Bellamy – not because I’m not already aching to see him again, but because we’ll have to go back to camp. We don’t have a choice anymore, not if we want to save Alhera. I slowly gather her up and take her to one of the less dilapidated huts. I curl up next to her for warmth and try to sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll have to go back to Bellamy and try to explain myself. The more I think about it, the less I can believe I left him like that, without so much as a goodbye. He’s going to hate me now…  
I only realise I’d been asleep when I jerk awake at the sound of someone moving around outside. I freeze, my arms tightening around Alhera, braced for an attack.   
“Come on, Clarke, I’ve tracked you this far, you can give me a break, you know. Are you going to make me search every single house in the dark?”  
“Bellamy!” before thinking I fly outside and into his arms. I’m speaking before he has a chance to draw breath. “I’m so sorry, I just panicked, I shouldn’t have left like that – you must be really mad – I’ll make it up to you…”  
To my surprise, I see him smiling. “You would think,” he says with a superior smirk, “that you’d have realised how well I’ve come to know you over the past months.”  
“What?” I say blankly.  
“Clarke, I’ve known you’ve been going to do a runner for days,” he says patiently. “I’ve been following you since you left – I arrived here about two hours after you did.”  
“You followed me?”  
“We’ve established this,” Bellamy says slowly, as though speaking to someone incredibly dim, but his eyes are twinkling. “I’ll follow you anywhere.”  
He starts to say something else, but before the words can come out, I’m kissing him. “You don’t hate me?” I say breathlessly, pulling back just enough to see his face.   
“I love you,” he says simply. Then he literally sweeps me off my feet and carries me back inside. 

Looking back, the next few months were like a fast forwarded prologue to the rest of my happily ever after. Bellamy holding my hand as we walk into camp together. His joy at seeing Octavia again. My mother running to embrace me. That first night filled with fire and drink and the laughter of old friends. Bellamy carrying Alhera inside when the noise got too much for her. The look in his eyes when he said to me, “Welcome home.”

Three years later  
“Alhera, don’t let your brother wander too far,” I call over my shoulder, looking back to see her waving at me as Bellamy leads me deeper into the forest along the familiar path. “It’s been so busy, I’ve hardly had you to myself at all,” he says.   
We don’t need to talk as we walk towards our spot, the little home we had built while we were in hiding from the world. As always, Bellamy lifts me off my feet and carries me inside, setting me down as though I am the most precious treasure. I lie back on the soft fur, my hand absently trailing over my stomach.   
“I think this one’s a girl,” Bellamy says. “Alhera would love a sister.”  
“Thank you,” I say.  
“For what?”  
“For following me. For never giving up on me.”  
“Princess, you had me in your clutches from the first.”  
I smile as my fairy tale prince leans in for a kiss.

The End


End file.
